HOW TO ORDER A ZACHARY GUITAR
You must QUALIFY first. That's Right ... QUALIFY!
Would you expect anything less when wanting to own the best electric guitar in the world.
Anyone can buy a Zachary Guitar, however you need to follow the procedure to qualify. Its very simple actually. You need to send me a video of yourself playing the guitar. Just a simple video of you sitting in a chair playing. Sound quality is of no concern. I will then forward this video to the Z Committee - the inner circle - (a group of dedicated Z guitar owners), who will decide whether or not a Z guitar is right for you or if you even need a Zachary Guitar.
Your playing ability and technique is not the most important consideration and not the deciding factor. Its a combination of many factors. I do however want to be sure that you will be able to actually use a Zachary guitar. No reason for you to buy a Zachary guitar if you cannot use or appreciate one. That will not make either one of us happy. I want to save you the hassle of buying something you will not need or be able to really use.
If you have a problem with this or know in your heart that you don't qualify for a Zachary guitar, then just go to your local guitar boutique and they will be more than happy to take your credit card. All they want is your money. Just like any prostitute, they will get down on their knees, perform their service without any emotion towards you. A totally impersonal and shallow transaction based on mutual self interest. ... I will offer you a lot more and in exchange I am interested in knowing what's in your soul.
Remember a Zachary guitar is NOT a retail/consumer transaction. You actually have to work for it, like anything great in life.
However, don't worry, the criteria are actually not that high and very fair.
I find it interesting how misunderstood the contents of this website is. These days of the diminishing (quality) level of the guitar consumer, its like I am writing in a different language and many don't comprehend it. Its quite astonishing to me. On the other hand, this website is set up to be an intelligence test and by the very responses and reactions I get, one's intelligence and general music and guitar knowledge is accurately revealed.
This is not a guitar gearhead circle jerk forum where you can go and become anyone you claim to be. You can talk gear 24/7/365 and even pretend to be a guitar player. Your fellow circle jerks will never require to see your credentials. All you have to be is a smart ass and an asswipe. However, the world of Zachary is all about credentials, achievement and sincerity. I put out, I fully expose my abilities for the world to see. I am not afraid to do so. Regardless of how vile the slander gets. Therefore, I expect the same from you, even if its at a minimal level compared to what I do. I want to see what you can do. Again, I really don't expect that much, just something.
For example, take this circle jerk, found on the Internet, whose comment I was sent.
"I really like his guitars. Too bad you gotta kiss his ass for him to even consider making you one."
Why is this qualification process I have so misunderstood, disturbing and threatening for so many? Nobody has to kiss my ass at all. The only thing you need to do is to show evidence for two things;
1. That you can actually play the guitar .
You don't necessarily have to play like a virtuoso either,
2. That you have some intelligence.
Your intelligence level basically takes priority over your technical skills.
Do you really expect me to create the worlds best electric guitar and sell it to you while you can not even play it? That would be absurd and perverse; a sacrilege against the higher power, who gave me the ability to create these guitars. Selling any moron a Zachary guitar would be gross disrespect towards God. Tell this to your favorite boutique guitar store owner, who will nice you to death, short of blowing you, just to get your money.
I know you may already feel like a fool for owning any guitar and not being able to play it worth two shits but a Zachary guitar would make you feel even worse. I am trying to save you this embarrassment and frustration. You would own the best guitar in the world but you would feel like the biggest loser in the world if you couldn't use it and it would be evident any time you picked it up. I am just trying to save you from this frustration, shame and humiliation. I am simply not going to create a masterpiece for someone who cannot use it. That would be absurd. If you don't understand this then you are the biggest fool in the world and should be pissed on in public. In fact you shouldn't buy any guitar but instead hang out in guitar chat rooms and just talk about guitars with your equals, who offer group support for idiots.
I want this to be perfectly clear and understood for even the biggest smartass dumb fuck out there. All you need to do, for me to create my best work for you, is just prove that you have the ability to use it. Also prove that you are not an idiot. Not being an idiot will also come in handy and will actually add to your "Z-credits".
The Z experience is nothing like your local Guitar Boutique experience. So get that right out of your head. You have been indoctrinated to be a good follower of the large corporations and their powerful marketing machine. You have been fed the pabulum of deception. You have been pandered to. This all results in your willingness to hand over your money to what you perceive as a higher power. In return you receive a false sense of belonging and acceptance by society. You have been conditioned by guitar stores, guitar magazines, commercialism, consumerism and the Internet. These all cater to the non-player, inexperienced, casual hobbyist, non-player, no-talent circle jerk. Retailers only want your money. In contrast, I don't want you money. Instead, I want to see your talent and intellect. If its too hard for you to show it then get the fuck back on the guitar gear forums. You must earn your right to own and play a Zachary guitar.
Purchasing a Zachary guitar is a contract between you and me. If you want me to work my ass off and make you the best guitar in the world, you need to present something of yourself as well. It must work both ways. Your money does not enter the equation.
Never forget that Zachary guitars are entirely made by hand. If you don't know what this means, then I suggest you make something like a birdhouse and you will, at least in a minor way, get an idea what it takes. I will not work my ass off for at least a month for someone who is not able to use my work.
Those who already earned their right to own a Zachary, I am sure, also want to know that other Zachary guitar owners have earned their right as well. If you want to be part of a select few individuals who will own a Zachary guitar, you must at least meet a minimum and fair qualification criteria. Isn't it a lot more satisfying that way? If you can show talent and intellect you can join the Z group. If you cannot show talent and intellect then you can get right back on the guitar forums and pretend to be a guitar player. Nobody there will ask you to earn your right to be in their group. All you have to be is a smartass phony. You cannot be a phony here.
My qualification criteria is not high at all. Its a minimal and logical requirement. The same as any employer also demands of you. For any job, you must show evidence for your abilities and intellect.
So, put your money away. You will not get away with just paying here. Your money is not good if you can't play the guitar and/or have no intellect to earn it. If you cannot qualify with these minimal standards then you know where you belong 24/7.
I hope I made myself clear.
If you think I am off base here, let me know. I am always willing to learn if you have a good point.
How Can I Purchase A Zachary Handcrafted Guitar?
Simply e-mail or phone me if you are interested in purchasing one of my guitars. Please note, Zachary Handcrafted Guitars are not sold in any store, only directly by me the builder.
Why can't I just try and purchase one of your guitars at any music store?
If you have to ask this question, you are on the wrong website.
Zachary Guitars do not belong in any store. I build guitars in limited quantities and each one is built exclusively by me. As you already know, I do not manufacture factory machine-made guitars, assembled by many various workers in large numbers. I do not sacrifice quality, feel and tone in order to increase production. Since each guitar is a labor of love, hand-built, setup and tested by me I am only comfortable if I do the selling myself. I want and need total control, even if it means making one guitar a year. Since I build each client's guitar one at a time, I simply cannot build enough units to supply any dealer..
How Can You Make Any Money Doing It This Way?
This is certainly a failed business model and I am aware that I will never get rich or famous doing it this way. There is no profit motive here, but it's the only way I will do it. I do it totally for the art and my own catharses. My guitars can constantly evolve without any corporate constraints of cost vs. profit. This allows my imagination and creativity to always be active and changing. My reward is quality, total artistic and creative freedom, and not mass production. When you are a mass-producer of guitars, profits for the share holders is the primary objective. Cost cutting, superficiality, gimmicks, fads and fashion override such important things as originality, design, playability and tone. Mass producers also need to kiss you ass in order to get your money.
How Long Will I Have to Wait For My Zachary Guitar?
1. Completed guitars which are in stock:
Completed guitars listed on my "Currently for Sale" page, are ready for immediate shipment. If you want it and qualify for it, its yours.
2. Guitars yet to be built:
Due to the many hours of work involved in completing each guitar, your waiting period will vary from several weeks to several months or even years from the time your order and deposit is received. The waiting period depends on how busy I am.
For in-stock guitars - send full payment via guaranteed funds (Cashier's Check, Money Order or Credit Card)
A Guitar which is not yet built - you need to send a $500 non-refundable deposit and the balance when the guitar is completed.
I ship worldwide.